Moron of The Day 8

Voila mon passeport
Here we are again with our occasional series, Moron of the Day. Now to be fair had I had the time over the last couple of months I could have written a couple of dozen of these so todays recipient was just unlucky enough to come across my radar at 10pm on a Tuesday evening when I could fit him in. He is a Conservative MP, indeed most of the people who have qualified for this award have been elected Conservatives. You may doubt me but I honestly don’t go looking for them they just fall in to my lap, so to speak. As a not very scientific poll it probably proves the Tories have more dickheads in their party than anyone else. Though to be fair if UKIP had more members they would certainly be rivalling them. UKIP do have David Coburn so I suppose that’s enough of a burden for anyone.

So what has Andrew Rosindell, Conservative MP for Romford, for it is he, done to come to MOTD (that’s Moron of the Day, not Match of the Day) attention? Unusual cove Mr Rosindell. Despite being the son of a school dinner lady, having a Comprehensive education and somewhat surprisingly making his first attempt to enter parliament by standing in Glasgow Provan (showing early signs of stupidity or bravery depending on your point of view) he is a full on, flag waving British Nationalist. He even makes his dog wear a Union flag waistcoat. He actually introduced a Union Flag bill in 2008 which said, and I quote, The Bill provides a formal definition of the composition of the Union Flag, stipulates that it is the official flag of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland and includes a schedule containing a description of the flag and how it should be flown. Quite why we needed an act of parliament to confirm it was the UK flag and which way up it should fly I don’t know. He was also a director of the European Foundation. This is a think tank which in the great British tradition actually stands for the opposite of what it sounds like. So it is anti Europe just like the Ministry of Defence is actually the Ministry for War.

What brings him to our attention is that he may have gone a little over the top. The Sun apparently, at least the English edition at any rate, is starting a campaign to bring back the good old Blue British passport in the wake of Brexit (apparently it was dark blue because that was the cheapest colour to produce, so probably a Tory idea). Now I liked the old passport, it was more solid looking than the modern EU thingy and contained a message for Johnny foreigner that, Her Britannic Majesty’s Principal Secretary of State for Foreign and Commonwealth Affairs requires said Johnny to render me all assistance that I may require and to let me pass freely and unhindered…..or else. I’m sure that had them quaking in their boots. The only problem now is that Her Britannic Majesty’s Principal Secretary of State for Foreign and Commonwealth Affairs is one Boris Johnston so they are more likely to fall about laughing. Interestingly something in my old passport that might make a comeback is the notes of the cash I took out of the country and what I brought back under the Exchange Control Act 1947. In 1976 I managed to enjoy two weeks in Greece for the princely sum of £160. That might be coming back too.

Now what is Mr Rosindell’s take on all this? “It’s a matter of identity. Having the pink European passports has been a humiliation.” Well that’s a bit strong seeing as the front of the passport sports a royal seal and the words, United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, written boldly with European Union in smaller letters. Anyway I’m sure Mr Rosindell enters any continental port dressed head to foot in red, white and blue and whistling Rule Britannia so no one will be in any doubt as to his identity. Is having a European passport humiliating? I’ve been using the thing for donkeys years and have presented it to immigration officials from Los Angeles to Sydney and none of them have sniggered at the sight and I’ve yet to feel a twinge of embarrassment never mind humiliation. As to colour, it definitely has a burgundy cover and green pages. No doubt claiming it is pink is a subtle way of Mr Rosindell insinuating there is something unmanly about carrying one.

So there we have it, while the Pound sinks, investment drys up and Westminster wanders around in circles with nary a clue as to what the consequences of Brexit may be, you can sleep safe in your beds knowing Andrew Rosindell MP is straining every sinew to revive old Blighty’s glory and return the good old blue passport to you. May I once again remind loyal readers that you pay plonkers like this £74,962pa plus expenses.

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