Moron of the Day 5

Laurence Robertson MP for Tewkesbury

Laurence Robertson MP for Tewkesbury

We return with our occassional series, Moron of the Day, with a topical example as the World Cup in Brazil approaches its climax. Footie fans among you will be aware that after a lacklustre performance, from which they garnered only one point, England made an early exit (no sniggering at the back).

As is the norm after such a debacle solutions are sought to the nations footballing woes. The obvious one, which escaped everybody elses attention, was to create a UK team. Step forward today’s genius Laurence Robertson, Conservative (inevitably) MP for Tewkesbury. Mr Robertson put forward the idea for the UK team in an early day motion before Parliament. He says that “no other nation fields more than one national team” and calls on the football authorities in each of the home countries to “come together and form one national football team covering the UK”.

Well there are one or two things wrong with this. Firstly the UK isn’t a nation, it’s a political state. So the ‘nation’ isn’t fielding more than one team. The Scots, the Irish, the Welsh and the English are nations and have one team each. Actually the Irish have two but the UK is responsible for that as well. That he can’t tell the difference is somewhat worrying as between 2005-2010 Mr Robertson was shadow Secretary of State for Northern Ireland. Probably just as well he never became the actual Secretary of State for Northern Ireland.

It seems something of a colonial throwback to suggest the best way to improve England’s football performance is to take over other countries and press their nationals into service. The Russians of course did this successfully via the Soviet Union but it didn’t end well. Of course the UK is used to taking over other countries and exploiting their resources including their peoples. The Japanese did something similiar in the Pacific although I have yet to hear it suggested that the Japanese Empire be reinstated to boost the chances of the national Sumo team.

I know I may be showing signs of mild skepticism but I doubt that Mr Robertson would have laid this motion before parliament to aid the footballing fortunes of N.Ireland, Wales or Scotland should they have suffered an early exit from a World Cup. Come to think of it we have suffered many an early exit from a World Cup. Where were you then Robertson?

Of course we did have a UK team at the London Olympics. A move condemned and unsupported by the FA’s of Scotland, Wales and N.Ireland and the supporters associations of all four home nations. It was supported only by the English FA which is an extension of the British state. The resulting team, which didn’t do very well, contained only English and Welsh players. The Welsh players were attacked by the English/British press for failing to sing the national anthem with sufficient gusto before each match.

Of course we could follow the golfers example. As the gulf in the respective golfing might of GB&I and the US grew ever wider someone hit on the bright idea that a European team might be more of a match for the Americans. And so it has proved and the format is very popular. The difference of course is the passions the game raises. Golf is generally an individual sport whilst football is the modern embodiement of international warfare. This is another reason football fans across the UK want to keep their own identities.

The rest of Europe might not be keen on the idea. As I write Holland are in the World Cup semi finals and Germany have just gubbed Brazil 7-1 to make the final. We may need their help but it appears they don’t need ours.

I fear Mr Robertson’s early day motion will garner little support. Though it will be interesting to see who actually does support it. A sadly typical attitude from a little Englander who thinks the rest of the UK is greater England. Here only to serve them. In case you’ve forgotten you pay morons like this £67,000pa plus expenses.

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